Apr. 13th, 2009

luna_hoshino: (WTF)
So, lately I have developed the bad-for-my-wallet habit of buying lunch from the cafeteria downstairs. The food there is actually pretty good; they've got a salad bar and a hot bar with a wide variety of different dishes that changes every day. About once a week they have this delicious seafood dish that consists of shrimp, octopus, squid, artificial crab and sometimes clams in garlic sauce.

Now, I am rather fond of this particular dish, so when I saw it on the hot bar I knew immediately what I was having for lunch today. Scooped some up, paid for it, grabbed a soda, and went on my merry way back up to the office. It wasn't until I had already started eating that I realized something.

There was half a freaking octopus in my lunch. And it was the half with the tentacles.

It was quite edible, but those of you who have ever eaten octopus before have probably guessed why this was a problem. For those of you who haven't, let me explain: octopus is roughly the same consistency as a pencil eraser. Trying to cut it with a flimsy plastic knife (or indeed, just about any knife short of a steak knife) is like trying to dig your way out of prison with a spoon.

There was only one solution: I was going to have to eat this sucker whole. Taking a furtive glance around to make sure that my boss was in the other room and not about to come in, I managed to spear the thing on my fork and shoved part of it into my mouth, tentacles and all. (I'm sure there's probably some sort of fetish site for things like this out there, or some sort of fantastic academic commentary that could be made on this subversion of Urotsukidoji, but I'll leave that up to you.)

So I was sitting there, tentacles sticking partway out of my mouth and making me look like some sort of bizarre, unholy spawn of Cthulhu when the flaw in my plan occurred to me. I was going to have to CHEW this somehow.

I often use the phrase "OM NOM NOM" to refer to eating-- never before has it been this true. There really isn't any other way to devour half an octopus without om-nom-nomming it, complete with sound effects. I'm not going to describe the details; I'm sure you can imagine.

Eventually I managed to claim victory over the octopus after about five minutes of om-nom-nomming. Alas, I do not have any photos of said octopus, so you will have to take my word that this was an impressive accomplishment.

Next time, I think I'll just get a burger.

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